CLICK HERE TO VIEW MORE NUDE PHOTOS AND VIDEOS

It does not matter how hot a woman is , if I see a person with a paddle then I immediately have flashbacks to my childhood.

That is not because I was physically beat with a paddle, but because my grandma beat me at ping pong while showing no mercy. I was just a child at the time, barely able to coordinate feeding myself, and yet my grandma would intentionally direct spikes toward my face. She said it was for my own good, that it would make me better, but all it has done is given me cold sweats anytime I see a ping pong table.

Even now, a couple decades later, I still cannot get over those humiliating defeats. Looking at the paddle in Elisabetta’s hand makes me cringe. With a paddle that size my grandma would be unstoppable. Not a single ball would get past her. And my grandma looked like a doughy ball with wig on. If she had had the core strength of Elisabetta then she would probably be a certified killer. I can only thank whatever gods may be that Grandma was brought up in a time when physical fitness was reserved only for the gays.

 

 

CLICK HERE TO VIEW MORE NUDE PHOTOS AND VIDEOS

Why is bikini rollerblading a thing, and why is it that everyone who does it chooses to wear no protective equipment? Women have been rollerblading in bikinis for about as long as they have both existed, and yet I still cannot understand why.

The person doing it is exposing nearly every inch of their body to an unforgiving surface, and for a woman like Andrea Calle, who makes her money off her body, that seems like an unnecessary risk. If anybody saw Tom Brady arm wrestling a gorilla they would step in. You don’t even have to be a fan of the man to know that he should not be doing that. And yet no one has the courage to step in and tell this women to wear coveralls. And yes, I think these two situations are exactly the same.

I do not care if Andrea’s tan becomes hindered. She is at the beach. Are you telling me she cannot take an extra fifteen minutes at the end of her skating to lie down? I refuse to believe that her schedule is so busy she cannot make time for that. After all, she is an adult who can make time to rollerblade.

CLICK HERE TO VIEW MORE NUDE PHOTOS AND VIDEOS

Just when it looked like the media storm surrounding the breakup between Nikki Bella and John Cena was abating, news has emerged that the two members of wrestling royalty are getting back together. To those of you who have been tirelessly sliding into Bella’s DM’s under multiple fake identities – this breaking news will hit you the hardest. Bella called off her wedding with Cena in April only three weeks before it was set to take place allegedly due to the fact the she wanted kids and he didn’t. Cena then all but had a public meltdown, even publically pleading during an interview on Today:

Ads by
Ads by

I still love Nicole. I still would love to marry Nicole. I still would love to have a family with Nicole.

CLICK HERE TO VIEW MORE NUDE PHOTOS AND VIDEOS

Red is definitely Melissa Riso’s color. Well, she would look amazing in any color but there’s definitely something about what she has on now that makes me aware of Melissa’s presence even if she was miles away. I could spy with my little eye a seductive Riso in a red bikini if I was standing an entire ocean apart from her. And after spotting her I would be obliged to swim across the sea just to see her even better. Maybe say hello and ask her if she needs anything. Like a refill for her water bottle. She sure looks mighty hot and the last thing I need to see is a beaut like her overheating under an unforgiving sun.

Melissa’s body is chiseled and aesthetically pleasing to look at like a top gun aircraft. She also scores bonus points with me for looking cooler than Tom Cruise in a pair of aviator glasses. Maybe I can be her Maverick. I don’t own a fighter jet but I can sure attempt to fold a paper airplane to look like one. Then l’ll give it to her as a present. I’ve heard it’s the thought that counts. And I think about her a lot.

CLICK HERE TO VIEW MORE NUDE PHOTOS AND VIDEOS

I love a big ass, but you know what I’ve got no time for? Big assed mermaids. I suppose I could make an exception for Demi Rose, but only because she’s one of the most astonishing women on this planet, and women like that deserve concessions to be made for them.

Separating the dress from its wearer for a moment, though, I want to say that I never knew that big-assed mermaids weren’t for me before today. I don’t suppose it’s a thing one thinks much about in their day to day. It’s just not a choice I’m faced with in my daily life.

Nevertheless, now I’ve seen what a mermaid with a big ass would look like, I have to say that I prefer a mermaid with a little less fin, if you know what I’m saying? But in real life, non-mermaid life, I not only love a big ass, I love Demi Rose’s big ass with all of my heart.

I think it would be an exaggeration to say I’d turn her down if she were a mermaid, but I suppose we’re lucky that such a conundrum will never present itself. Unless it turns out we’re living in the Twilight Zone. Wouldn’t surprise me anymore.

CLICK HERE TO VIEW MORE NUDE PHOTOS AND VIDEOS

It looks to me like Giglia Marra needs a little bit of saving. She’s slipping out of her dress and there’s no one around to catch her. It’s times like these that are the most important for men to fight their fears and become the hero a woman needs. I have no idea what kind of monster designs a dress where a woman can easily slip out of it. If I was her I would immediately file for a class action lawsuit. A company should not be allowed to get away with making a faulty article of clothing like that. It sets a terrible precedent.

Luckily I’m around to coach her through this tough time. I know it can be difficult, even scary to have your clothes slip off in public. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve torn an entire closet’s worth of clothes. It’s alway a t-shirt, or a pair of jeans that gets caught on a nail and poof, the next thing you know the kids are staring and grandma is screaming because you’ve become undone and indecent in the middle of the day. I never purposely mean to present myself to other people without pants on, but sometimes accidents do happen.

CLICK HERE TO VIEW MORE NUDE PHOTOS AND VIDEOS

I love women who know how to keep things clean. It’s a full-time job keeping the car spotless. I myself sometimes have a hard time washing in-between all of those crevasses and fall victim to missing a spot or two. But not Trista Mikail. I can tell by just looking at her that she’s a professional expert at the art of washing cars. She makes it look easy and attractive. Never in my life have I had close to the amount of fun that it looks like Trista is having. I almost consider cleaning my vehicle to be a chore of sorts. Maybe if I invited her over she could show me how to make the best out of it.

I see Trista is also prepared to visit the beach after wiping down her vehicle. She owns a bikini and a car like that was made for cruising the shoreline. I’d love to come with. I promise I wouldn’t take up too much room and I could curate the perfect playlist of acceptable tunes to get everyone in the beach mood. She’ll probably fall in love with me after Surfin USA is followed Kokomo. Because a smart beautiful woman can’t resist a man who knows his music.

CLICK HERE TO VIEW MORE NUDE PHOTOS AND VIDEOS

Just what exactly do Claudia and Melissa think they are doing by flaunting that level of sexiness on the beach? Do they not know that they have to have a permit to openly carry something like that in public? It is all right, I will let it slide this one time, but if I catch them doing it again then they could find themselves in the back of my vehicle.

I am not a cop, I just have a paneled van that could be useful in this scenario.

These two have to realize what they are doing to all of the wandering eyes at the beach. I refuse to believe that they are so enthralled in their own sure to vapid conversation that they do not know. Why else would they leave the dry and clean surface of their beach chair to instead kneel in the sand? In sand! One of the worst substances known to man.

CLICK HERE TO VIEW MORE NUDE PHOTOS AND VIDEOS

If there’s one thing I pray this great nation never ceases importing it’s Venezuelan models. This country needs more of them pronto. They’re mighty fine to look at and ladies like Aida Yespica are top shelf. I’d go mentally bankrupt with the amount of attention I’m willing to pay her. Even just by standing there she’s looking more attractive than stepping inside a store with an ice cold air conditioner on full blast in 100 degree weather. Her presence always serves a purpose. A man could find serenity by simply just standing next to her.

Aida is a woman I would no longer like to live life without. And more importantly she’s a woman I would no longer like to attend the beach without. She’s more significant to bring to the shore than a sand shovel or beach ball. Also more fun than those items when it comes to the best beach accessories. I’d rather have her on my arm than some colorful towel with my favorite sports team printed on it. All I would need is the sand, sun, and to be smothered in Aida Yespica’s attention while I’m stretched out attempting to get the best tan possible.

CLICK HERE TO VIEW MORE NUDE PHOTOS AND VIDEOS

Rumor has it that an eccentric Japanese billionaire is financing an amusement park modeled after the body of Demi Rose. Personally, I think that is inaccurate. Clearly the man cannot be considered eccentric for trying to bring the people what they want. I would describe him as a visionary an the vanguard of innovation. This Demi Rose park is going to make Dollywood look like a place for kids.

I know Dollywood is officially a place for kids, but we all know that the real reason why any father takes his family there is to hopefully live out a childhood fantasy of seeing Dolly Parton’s legendary bosoms in the flesh.

If Demi plays her cards right this could turn into a lifetime source of income. She could have children riding the water coaster ride modeled after her genitals for decades to come, maybe even long after their source material is out of commission. I know that I would be proud to have my legacy honored in such a way. Although if they were going to model a ride after my genitals it would have to be a giant drop type of ride that ultimately leaves its passengers disappointed.