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Everyone wants to date the gorgeous Kendall Jenner, and many people have, which is why everyone is so interested in new footage that shows the modeling sensation possibly on a date with NBA superstar Ben Simmons. He and a mystery woman were caught at the Waldorf Astoria Beverly Hills on a secret date, and even though she does her best to cover her face with her hoodie, someone – probably Kris Jenner – is spreading the word that it’s Jenner in the flesh.


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Charlie Riina is a woman I think about way more than I should. I even wrote her a small poem. Charlie Riina, fine like china, I would love it if you showed me your… And that’s where I run out of words. I want to say heart but it doesn’t rhyme so it’s back to the drawing board. Or the beach. I think the beach would be the best option to get some inspiration to finish my poem about her. I could stare at her in a bikini and be so inspired that I completely forget to write the words down. Because I don’t believe there’s any string of words that could accurately describe how beautiful Charlie is.

Riina is one woman I’d love to get lost with. If a sailboat with just us two crashed and we were cast away I wouldn’t even feel like I would be stuck. What some would consider to be a lonely island, I would consider to be paradise if she was my partner. I’d hand feed her coconuts until help arrived. I also would secretly hope that help wouldn’t arrive as being trapped on an island with Charlie is more of a blessing than inconvenience.

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Holy cow! The proportions on Hope Beel have me hoping she peels off the rest of that swimsuit sometime so that I can have nothing left to the imagination. Because right now I am imagining her as the perfect woman, and I do not want that. I want her to have a flaw, or preferably multiple flaws. Otherwise she makes it too tempting to hold other women up to her as the standard of what a woman should be.

So I am holding out hope that on the small amount of skin that is being covered up by that two piece there is a big enough flaw being hidden that will prevent her from ruining my expectations for every other woman in the world. Maybe there some swastikas or hammer and sickles. That might be enough to turn me off of her.

Who knows, maybe there is even a charging port that will prove she is not human at all and is actually a fembot. That would be the perfect outcome, I think. Then I could dismiss all of the hard work that she has put into her body as the clever engineering and design of some Japanese nerds.

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If only Jamaica found some way to capitalize on the popularity of their flag then maybe their economy would not be hurting so bad. If a basic white girl like Claudia Romani desires to have their colors on her towel then there is surely a vast market for it. Just getting one cent for every transaction from stoners would have to be able to give their dollar a boost.

My own younger brother has a poster of Bob Marley hanging in his room. My brother has never listened to Bob Marley in his life, but he likes the way it looks due in no small part to the soothing red-yellow-green color scheme. You don’t see that kind of enthusiasm surrounding the flag of Iran, I’m just saying.

Small tangent, am I the only one who thinks it is odd that Bob is the first name of Bob Marley? It just does not fit. But we are all so used to saying his whole name when referring to him that we never think about it. I think he knew it too which is why his son is named Ziggy. Now Ziggy sounds like the kind of guy who plays reggae and lives by island time.

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This has got to be the most candid of all candid photo shoots. I am still not certain if this was an official thing, or if some dude was snapping pics while Jenny Thompson just did her normal thing. Is it possible that Jenny could pose so definitively while being so informal?

There is no way I would be half as photogenic as Jenny if someone was to take pictures of me without my knowledge. I always end up looking like that kid from Mask. Hell, I don’t know if anyone can be as casually photogenic. I have never met a dog who can make casual photos look as easy as this, and it is a known fact that dogs are the most photogenic of all creatures.

Even when a pic is snapped of them bug eyed with their tongue hanging out there is not a woman in the world who would not let it share a bed with them. That is the real test of attractiveness right there. If only I could find a woman who would still look at me affectionately after she’s seen me tarding out.

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My ninth grade Spanish education tells me Kara Del Toro translates to “Kara of the bull” which is a fitting name considering seeing her in a bikini makes me want to charge at her like she is actually a matador. And given the experience she has dodging men I would bet she could sidestep me with ease, leaving me with nothing but the faint smell of the detergent from her towel. Even that would probably be worth the effort.

Every moment this woman wastes with her body outside of a swimsuit is like she is spitting in the face of all her ancestors. They took great care in breeding with the best of what was available to them so that she could reap the benefits, and that is how she is going to betray them? Over my dead body.

I do not care if I need to complete some B and E’s, but I will steal every outfit of hers that dares to cover that waist and cleavage. When a woman has just the right mixture of tone and jiggle it is a disservice to everyone to hide it away.

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We can give you some hints, but you will actually, literally not believe who this banging bod belongs to. While the bikini-cation fun looks like it could be being had by a fifty-year-old, the chic chick depicted is actually sixty-three-years-young. She rose to stardom as a supermodel, she may have dabbled in plastic surgery, and she has starred or appeared on roughly four-thousand different reality series of all calibers. Head to the comments to voice your best guess, then click the link below to find out the answer.

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It does not matter how hot a woman is , if I see a person with a paddle then I immediately have flashbacks to my childhood.

That is not because I was physically beat with a paddle, but because my grandma beat me at ping pong while showing no mercy. I was just a child at the time, barely able to coordinate feeding myself, and yet my grandma would intentionally direct spikes toward my face. She said it was for my own good, that it would make me better, but all it has done is given me cold sweats anytime I see a ping pong table.

Even now, a couple decades later, I still cannot get over those humiliating defeats. Looking at the paddle in Elisabetta’s hand makes me cringe. With a paddle that size my grandma would be unstoppable. Not a single ball would get past her. And my grandma looked like a doughy ball with wig on. If she had had the core strength of Elisabetta then she would probably be a certified killer. I can only thank whatever gods may be that Grandma was brought up in a time when physical fitness was reserved only for the gays.

 

 

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Here is another woman wearing white at a beach. I simply do not understand it. Does her ass never touch the sand? Because if it did then it surely would not have stayed white for long. And having a brown stain on your bikini bottom is one of the top two worst colored stains one could have. And I am only referring to the sand. This does not even take into account the water. Who knows what is floating around in there.

The swimsuit could go in white and come out looking like it has been tie-dyed with sewage. Although, that could be rather useful. It would be like a canary in a coal mine. That swimsuit could provide a nice litmus test for the quality of the water that she is swimming in.

Personally, I would rather stay ignorant to it all. I enjoy swimming too much to worry about what I am swimming in. Any carcinogens that may be in there are for my doctor to worry about later. I am only looking to have some fun on my day off. If I wanted to be a Marine Biologist I would have stayed in school passed the eighth grade.

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Why is bikini rollerblading a thing, and why is it that everyone who does it chooses to wear no protective equipment? Women have been rollerblading in bikinis for about as long as they have both existed, and yet I still cannot understand why.

The person doing it is exposing nearly every inch of their body to an unforgiving surface, and for a woman like Andrea Calle, who makes her money off her body, that seems like an unnecessary risk. If anybody saw Tom Brady arm wrestling a gorilla they would step in. You don’t even have to be a fan of the man to know that he should not be doing that. And yet no one has the courage to step in and tell this women to wear coveralls. And yes, I think these two situations are exactly the same.

I do not care if Andrea’s tan becomes hindered. She is at the beach. Are you telling me she cannot take an extra fifteen minutes at the end of her skating to lie down? I refuse to believe that her schedule is so busy she cannot make time for that. After all, she is an adult who can make time to rollerblade.